A fan fic :)

 

 

Thirty Eight Hours

(I don’t own these men. Kripke does. Caleb and Mac belong to Ridley. I just play with them from time to time. Brotherhood AU. T  With Dean’s deal coming due in less than 2 days, everyone’s feeling a little emotional.)

 

Dean stood on the bank of the pond. Time was running out. He had barely forty eight hours before the contract  was up. He was terrified. He was alone in this. Nothing Sam and Caleb could glean from the wealth of the Hunter’s Tomb was going to save him. No. He was going to Hell. He stood in the sunshine letting it warm his face, looking out at the water. In less than forty eight hours, he would have hell hounds upon him and he would never see Sam or Caleb or Mac or Bobby again. He would never know what it was like to stand here on the farm, listening to the water and the animals, the dogs barking. Two more sunrises and then nothing. He would do it again. Sam was worth it. He realized now that the deal would hurt Sam too. That Sam was just as scared as he was. The difference was that he was certain Sam could get through this, could go on living without him. Unlike Dean who could not have lived without Sam. Everyone else would be up soon. They would all be trying last ditch efforts to save him. Or pretending it would all be okay and God knew how much he loved them for that.  Dean knew he should go back to the house, be there for the rest of his family but he needed the chance to breathe fresh air, to hold onto the sunshine, to be able to remember it in the depths of Hell.

“Duece?”, Caleb’s voice was full of concern. “You okay?” Dean smiled to himself before turning to face his best friend. All of them asked him fifty times a day if he was okay.

“As okay as a guy with less than forty eight hours to live is Damien”. He tried to be lighthearted. It only served to provoke Caleb. The older hunter roughly grabbed his friend’s jacket jerking him closer to him.

“ Damn it Dean! Can’t you be serious just for once in your life? Can’t you just look me in the eyes and admit you’re scared? That you’re freaking terrified of what might happen?” Dean looked into his friend’s red rimmed eyes and saw the absolute sorrow reflected in the amber orbs. He placed his hands on top of Caleb’s and released himself from the older man’s grip.

“Calm down man”, Dean said, no sarcasm in his voice. “ I’m sorry . I am afraid Caleb. I don’t want to go to Hell. But I did it for Sammy. And I’d have done it for you too. You’re my brother too. You know you are. But Damien, nothing’s going to save me now. You and Sam have tried. You looked up and into everything possible. So did Bobby, so did Mac. But it’s over man. I can’t be saved.” He held up his hands, palms open and shrugged. Caleb noticed the defeat in the gesture and it ripped him to his core. Dean started walking towards the house. Caleb had no choice but to follow. He had an overwhelming desire to be as close to Dean as possible. How would he be able to say all that needed to be said? So much had been left unsaid, all their lives. Growing up here together, living within the Brotherhood, they had an unspoken love, so deep it was indescribable. But Caleb needed to voice it. He put a hand on Dean’s shoulder.

“Deuce. Please.” The pain in Caleb’s voice made Dean stop. He could feel every emotion from his friend. The distress Caleb was feeling, Dean knew it. It was his connection as Guardian to the Kinght. He touched the silver ring on his right hand. He turned to face Caleb and was shocked to see tears streaming down  his best friend’s face. “ I need to say this Dean. While it’s just you and me.”

Dean nodded. He knew these speeches from his loved ones were coming. He steeled his own emotions and waited. It took several attempts before Caleb could speak. “Go on.”, he allowed. He freaking did not want to cry. Shit why did it always come back to having to admit how you feel?

Caleb took his wrist and jerked him around to face him. He was rougher than he wanted to be. On the contrary he only wanted Dean to know how much he had meant to him all these years. A quarter century this kid had been his little brother. How did you put a lifetime into a few sentences spoken before the one person you love most in the world is gone forever, because he sold his soul for the one person he loved most in the world? It didn’t bother Caleb that Sam was Dean’s priority. He knew without a doubt he came a close second on the love list.  “Dean, I would give anything, even my own soul, my own life for you not to have to do this. Please let me keep looking. Try to find a way out.” Tears gathered in his eyes and clogged his throat. He clutched Dean’s jacket lapels. “Please little brother. I’m not ready to let you go. Deuce I love you. You can tell anybody I said it out loud. Damn the chick flick stuff. I do and to lose you is like losing me. What are we going to do? Me and Sam and the others, how are we going to get up on May third and act like nothing’s wrong?”

Dean closed his eyes. He gripped Caleb’s wrists and squeezed. “You don’t. You get up and try to deal with it. You take care of Sam for me. And Bobby and Mac and the farm. And you wait until you can stand it and you find another Guardian. And that’s how it’s got to be Damien.”

Caleb shook his head. “No .No Dean I can’t.” Tears were falling unheeded and he didn’t care.

Dean smiled at his best friend. He reached up and wiped the tears away with the back of his hand. He cupped Caleb’s face on both sides and forced him to look at him. “Nothing else to do man. I’m tired of fighting it. I did it, I’d do it again It’s on no one but me. And I love you Damien.” He hugged Caleb close. They stayed that way for awhile. It seemed funny to Dean how he didn’t shy away from physical contact anymore, even craved it. He didn’t pull away first. Caleb was showing him his broken heart ,the least Dean could do was try to keep it together. Caleb finally stepped back.

“Y’good?”, Dean asked him. “They’ll be up. Looking  for us. Making sure I’m okay. God I have never been asked that so many times in my whole twenty eight years of living. Seriously Caleb, I need to keep it together for Sammy you know. And tomorrow, needs to be about him. It’s his birthday and I don’t want him to spend it thinking about me dying.”

Caleb threw his arm around Dean’s shoulders as they headed towards the house. “Doubt he’s gonna forget it’s the day you die Dean. I wouldn’t make a big thing of us trying to forget .We won’t.”

Dean leaned into Caleb a little. “What if I want to forget it?” Caleb stopped walking. Dean’s eyes filled up with tears then.”What if I just want to pretend it’s just Sammy’s birthday? God I’m scared Caleb. I don’t want to go to sleep  tonight. I don’t want to miss one second of living. But I don’t want Sam to know I’m afraid. Please help me keep it together man.”Dean admitting he was truly afraid was so rare it made Caleb shiver involuntarily.

Caleb gripped his shoulders hard, pulling him back in close. “Okay. We’ll play like it’s just another day . Today anyhow, can’t make any promises about tomorrow Deuce. Don’t wander off again though . Stay close.”

“I needed to see the sun rise on the pond, feel close to Jim you know? I don’t want to be alone Damien. I want to be with you guys.” If you only knew what it feels like, he thought. To know you’ll never see these people and places that mean so much, the people and places that had shaped who he was. The two hunters stopped walking when they reached the back steps. Dean turned to face Caleb.

Mac had been watching them watching them walk across the yard through the kitchen window He looked at the brave men they had become. Bobby   came to stand behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Funny “ Mac began, .”Those two represent the best a secret order fighting Evil has to offer and all I see is two boys. Boys who had nothing in common but losing their mothers and fathers who were hunters. And yet they literally became brothers.” Bobby sighed. His own heartache over what Dean had done could not be expressed. Both of the hunters found they could not move, could not stopping watching , making a memory of this moment for later.

Unaware of the older men watching Dean looked directly into Caleb’s amber eyes. Caleb into emerald green ones. They stood there as if memorizing every detail of the other’s face. As if either could forget it. There would be goodbyes tomorrow but they would never be alone together again like this. They were too close to the house to lose it Dean thought, But suddenly he was .Panic engulfed him, surrounded him, cut him to the core. He felt as if everything was spinning, moving too fast. He felt sick and so damn scared. He reached out a hand to Caleb as his knees gave out and he started to fall. Caleb caught him under the arms. He gently sank to the ground beside his best friend. Dean clutched the front of Caleb’s shirt with both fists. “I gotcha  Deuce. I gotcha . You’re okay. You’re okay.” Caleb held Dean close as they sat there on the ground. When Dean’s sobbing started he rocked back and forth with him, whispering words of comfort.

Mac and Bobby forced themselves to stay rooted inside, to give the boys space to grieve together. Both men never realized they were shedding tears of their own. Sam came into the kitchen and looked out at his brother and Caleb huddled on the ground rocking back and forth. He pushed past Mac and Bobby and ran down the steps. He reached Dean and Caleb and dropped to his knees beside them. He reached both arms around them, and the three of them were connected.  Sam dropped his head on top of Dean’s listening to Caleb’s reassurances, ”It’s okay. Breathe Deuce. That’s it, It’s okay ,Sam and I gotcha.  Shh,..” Slowly as he felt their love surrounding him, Dean started to regain control. His brother and his best friend continued to hold him. Tomorrow might

be the day hell hounds ripped him apart but today he was surrounded by more love than any man had a right to and for today, that was enough. He let go of the panic and the fear and  found he was able to focus again. Caleb stopped the rocking and just held on. Sam sat up and ran his hand over Dean’s hair. He felt their despair at not being able to save him. He tried sitting up. Caleb and Sam released him and they sat there side by side. Silent.

“Hey, I’m okay.” And he laughed .Really laughed. .Full body, head back laughing  Laughed because he couldn’t count how many times he’d been asked that over the course of this year. Laughed because Dean Winchester and Caleb Reaves had just lived through the biggest chick flick moment in history, Laughed because Sam Winchester was dumbstruck that his brother could laugh at a time like this.

“Damn it  Deuce, what the hell’s the matter with you?” Caleb growled. He brushed himself off and looked up at Dean.

Dean laughed again, “Hell Damien. That’s what’s wrong with me.” He stood up and held out a hand to his brother, pulling him up to his feet. He held out the other to Caleb who allowed himself to be helped up as well. Dean threw an arm around both of them.  Pulled them close to him.”But that’s not today.” He pushed them towards the house. Inside Mac and Bobby hastily moved to begin preparing breakfast. Caleb and Sam looked at one another over Dean’s head. They had all day today and tomorrow to save him. And they knew they would try, Dean did too. As they reached the door he turned to face them. The two faces of the two people he loved most in the world were looking back at him with so much unspoken grief and love.

“I’m okay.,” he repeated .He opened the back door. Motioned for them to go in. Then followed them. Caleb grabbed a coffee cup, poured coffee, Sam opened the refrigerator and pulled out orange juice, filled a cup. Bobby was setting the table, Mac scrambling eggs. The others greeted one another and the Guardian of The Brotherhood leaned on the counter of his kitchen watching his family.

I’m okay and I need you guys to be too. Caleb looked across the kitchen at Dean. He’d heard the unspoken request, reading his friend without permission and he knew Dean knew it. He winked. Dean nodded and moved to join them. He glanced at the clock. Ten o’clock. Thirty Eight hours. He would treasure all thirty eight for eternity.