"I'm Scared Sam!"

 The Wizard told the Tin Man, "Hearts will never be practical until they are made to be unbreakable". A thing that may never happen in Winchester world! My heart is broken again. Cas, Dean's in trouble and boom, fade to black! Seriously? Come on! Knowing we are now in a mini Hellatus and THAT hanging over us...I should be steeled for it by this time. Should know that man is going to make me cry my eyes out and toss and turn through sleepless nights. It was too simple when I started this journey. The first 7 seasons, I simply dried my tears and went on to the next episode. (I watched on Netflix) 8,9 and 10....I've spent the Hellatus days grieving, wondering and hoping.I barely survived last summer. Now THIS.The burden Cain finally revealed to Dean is the one he cannot bear. It's worse than "take care of Sammy" and it goes beyond "if you can't save him, you'll have to kill him". The bastard basically said he would not only kill his best friend but also his reason for living, his brother. He said "No!" so fervently. And yay for Dean, he handed the blade to Cas, knowing Cas wouldn't use it to make him do anything else bad like Crowley would be tempted to do.Falling into Sam's arms, needing the hug but too spent to give it back, he just put his head on Sam's shoulder and I ....just crumbled. What's going to happen is unsure. But then it always is. I do know this: For Dean Winchester to admit he' scared...it's bad . Really bad. He's the most courageous of men and he can do anything. But this....this knowledge....he's going to struggle more with this one than anything else so far. And I'll be falling apart with him. God I love this man. I know I am saying to my practical family members, he's fictional. But he's real to me. He's my guy. And, I'm scared Sam. The Tin man said, "But I still want one." He just didn't know Dean Winchester could break it. But I do. I know it so well. And keep going back for more. I always will. "Dad, you're scaring me",seems so much less complicated, less devastating than, "I'm scared Sam" doesn't it? Dean's in trouble and I'm scared Sam.