Rule #1 Feel free to express yourself IF it expresses the same opinion as the rest of fandom. I found out quickly you can get hurt really bad by this one. Even if you don't tag anyone. Even if it's not really directed at fans specifically. I hate the word "dork". Where I come from we were taught never to use it. It has two very impolite meanings and we are taught in the south never to be impolite. I am told it supposedly means goofball.(By at least ten ppl) Ok. But why are Jensen and Jared goofy all the time? I see this 50 plus times a day on my tl So use it. I won't and from now on I won't express any opinion.. Also you can't not approve of shipping, particularly Destiel because this will earn you multiple hate tweets even when you tag or mention no one.....
I have been in the fandom three years. I am basically a nobody. I have no big following. Heck I'm not even sure on any given day if my friends are going to like me. I guess I wanted to really believe in the #SPNFamily thing. But here lately I get the feeling people just want me to leave. I have had direct messages basically telling me I don't belong and don't "deserve" Jensen and worse. If I don't like something someone says I don't tell them they are unworthy or ugly or old or stupid.And I've been called all of that recently. That isn't how you treat people. I hate to say this but I think if I told Jensen the things that have been said to me, he'd be upset. Of course I wouldn't. I don't ever want him to know some of his fans are mean to other fans. Maybe some folks can let this stuff roll off their backs. I can't. I am pretty sensitive. Especially when it comes to feeling like I belong somewhere and anything related to Supernatural. It's hard to think people have your back and then they don't. It's hard to invest and get hurt. It's hard to put yourself out there at all when you're afraid your voice is either not heard, not valued or plain silenced. I know there are tons of wonderful fans out there. There have to be for this to keep going. What saddens me the most is feeling like just being me isn't enough. Jared says "You're not alone". So many days that's how I feel though . Alone in this big fandom.. I can't stop loving Supernatural or Jensen and frankly I need the fandom . I need to see the pictures and the squee etc. I literally joined Twitter because of fandom. To talk to and be accepted by fans of my show.To share something big. I DO have some very special friends in here. Some of the ones I love the most. I don't want to be fandom famous. I just want to be able to be here, say what I feel, share my own passions and not be afraid of what people are going to say that will be hurtful. I am pretty shell shocked, walking wounded right now. I'm not afraid of debate. I'm scared as hell about full on insults because I've been battling a scarred self esteem for several months. I am going to PasCon and I don't want to be in the Jensen photo ops line hearing "You don't deserve him" in my head but it's there already. The question is why don't I? Because of my looks, my age, my opinions? What makes one fan more worthy than another? Because I don't think he sees any difference. I think he sees our love for him and nothing else. Because he still believes it's a family. Which I want to more than anything. We'll see how it goes after the con I guess. I can't and won't leave. I think I belong. To feel afraid in your family can be devastating. I am trusting I can get to the point where I feel at home here again. It may be I have to fight for it. I may have to just be a silent observer, I may have to just squee and not have opinions. I wish my illusions hadn't been shattered. I wish I was confident this is my place. I used to feel that way. I am trying to believe Jared's words....but I still feel pretty alone. Still when it's all said and done...I love Supernatural. I love Dean Winchester. I love Jensen Ackles. They saved me. So I deserve to love them. I deserve my twenty seconds of photo time just like anyone else. I'm betting on him thinking I do too.
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
Monday, October 19, 2015
Haters Gonna Hate
Okay. So today I have been totally insulted on my own Twitter page. I've been called stupid,old,pitiful and told to shut up because I expressed an opinion on my own page about a Jensen and Misha panel. I actually had someone say this and I quote it :"Grown women who are like 40 with fan accounts are so terrifying like what did you do to come to this point this isn't even your generation". So First I do not have a fan account. I have a personal account. And not my generation? Excuse me but the Winchester boys aren't teenagers. Dean is 36 and Sam 32. Jensen is 37 and Misha is 41.Mark is fifty one. This is not a teenybopper show. Never has been. The major demographic of fans is 28-45 year old women. It's not fair to say someone can't be a fan if they are not twenty something. For the record I have seen plenty of 60 something women in photo ops online.
Today Twitter has been full of Sam and Jared hate and all of it I've seen is from people who claim they are die hard Jensen fans. Ok. You can't seriously think he'd approve of someone hating on his co-star and best friend? Maybe some people aren't aware that might be hurtful to Jensen and God forbid Jared. You don't have to like someone but to publically hate on them is not what family would do. I have been so happy in fandom until recently. Why is there this need every time the new season starts the hate starts? I have had some really ugly things said to and about me today and I didn't tag any one but Creation on my initial tweet. I was told by a Cockackles fan to shut up. I was called presumptuous because I said "no one's a bigger fan than me" when what I meant was not that literally. I eat sleep and breathe Supernatural. I love Dean Winchester so much his death and resurrection as a demon made me physically ill and I may never get completely over it. I love Jensen Ackles more than life itself. But I can't stand the hate. Why does everything lately relate to Cas and Dean? The show is the brothers. Cas is a nice secondary character. He isn't Dean's brother or his lover. He's a close friend, an ally but Sam is Dean's significant other and no one else can be. It's who he is. He would pick Sam over John. And that's true. But in digressing I lose my point. I shouldn't be attacked on my own page. People in this fandom seem to love arguing. It's exhausting. I feel like curling up in a ball and crying because I feel like I got jumped by a whole gang. I don't think Jensen would like fans being mean to fans. I fought back. I did. Because I felt attacked. And just think if someone as secure in their Supernatural love as I am feels this way how does this affect people much more fragile? Serious damage can be done with words y'all. Everyone wants the last say. Jensen and Jared give way too much of themselves. They are nice to people who say horrible things all over social media about them and their show and they just don't know. I guess I couldn't stand there hugging Jensen and feel right if I called Jared trash and unimportant and a liar and an attention who're because the main man in my world loves him a hell of a lot. I couldn't take the chance he'd see my tweets somehow and feel less about me. Jared is an awesome guy who gives way too much to his fans. He's also SamFucking Winchester to Jensen's Dean and that's Supernatural folks. The brothers. I think I might have lost some faith in the SPNFamily today. I am sorry I had as n opinion I guess regarding certain panel options but I didn't attack anyone until I felt fight or flight impulses. So I'm done. Excuse me while I go cry and let my hurt feelings heal. But there's one thing I want to leave you with. MY generation DOES love this show and these men and we are all walks of life and what brought us here is the same as any teenager or twenty something. It changed our lives and made us happier. So.
Today Twitter has been full of Sam and Jared hate and all of it I've seen is from people who claim they are die hard Jensen fans. Ok. You can't seriously think he'd approve of someone hating on his co-star and best friend? Maybe some people aren't aware that might be hurtful to Jensen and God forbid Jared. You don't have to like someone but to publically hate on them is not what family would do. I have been so happy in fandom until recently. Why is there this need every time the new season starts the hate starts? I have had some really ugly things said to and about me today and I didn't tag any one but Creation on my initial tweet. I was told by a Cockackles fan to shut up. I was called presumptuous because I said "no one's a bigger fan than me" when what I meant was not that literally. I eat sleep and breathe Supernatural. I love Dean Winchester so much his death and resurrection as a demon made me physically ill and I may never get completely over it. I love Jensen Ackles more than life itself. But I can't stand the hate. Why does everything lately relate to Cas and Dean? The show is the brothers. Cas is a nice secondary character. He isn't Dean's brother or his lover. He's a close friend, an ally but Sam is Dean's significant other and no one else can be. It's who he is. He would pick Sam over John. And that's true. But in digressing I lose my point. I shouldn't be attacked on my own page. People in this fandom seem to love arguing. It's exhausting. I feel like curling up in a ball and crying because I feel like I got jumped by a whole gang. I don't think Jensen would like fans being mean to fans. I fought back. I did. Because I felt attacked. And just think if someone as secure in their Supernatural love as I am feels this way how does this affect people much more fragile? Serious damage can be done with words y'all. Everyone wants the last say. Jensen and Jared give way too much of themselves. They are nice to people who say horrible things all over social media about them and their show and they just don't know. I guess I couldn't stand there hugging Jensen and feel right if I called Jared trash and unimportant and a liar and an attention who're because the main man in my world loves him a hell of a lot. I couldn't take the chance he'd see my tweets somehow and feel less about me. Jared is an awesome guy who gives way too much to his fans. He's also SamFucking Winchester to Jensen's Dean and that's Supernatural folks. The brothers. I think I might have lost some faith in the SPNFamily today. I am sorry I had as n opinion I guess regarding certain panel options but I didn't attack anyone until I felt fight or flight impulses. So I'm done. Excuse me while I go cry and let my hurt feelings heal. But there's one thing I want to leave you with. MY generation DOES love this show and these men and we are all walks of life and what brought us here is the same as any teenager or twenty something. It changed our lives and made us happier. So.
Sunday, October 18, 2015
Don't Change Cons
So I'm seeing a lot of talk about asking Creation to have solo panels. First of all having the boys together is a Creation hallmark. Second the boys are there for one day. Thirdly, this isn't the same and I have never done it but there are meet and greets. Personally I don't want solo panels. Or one of the boys and Misha. That's not the Creation way to do things. Asylum and JIB are long cons during hiatus. The guys give up a lot of their time to come do one day with us at Cons. To ask for more is selfish. I like the way Creation runs their weekends. I personally don't want any changes. I am sure there are people who will argue or disagree. The reality also is to do that Creation would have to charge more. Also if you do that some where you'd miss out on someone. Creation has the system worked out. Not saying I can ever get enough of Jensen or Jared but them together works. Also I keep seeing how it's unfair to Gold patrons to not have solo included. The truly great thing is every seat at a Creation con gets a J2 panel. Gold has an extra. If you can do gold lucky you. I wish people would stop complaining. If you want solo panels go to Europe. I think asking more of Jensen and Jared is too much during the filming season. Save up for a meet and greet. And remember some people haven't and might not ever get to go to a con so let's be grateful if we have.
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